I find that I need to focus on myself and not expect anything from him. It makes me sad when I think he has changed, only to see him act the same way again. After I asked him to help him, he still seems isnt ready to face the issue.

Today, I deactivated my Instagram account so I can clear my mind. I’m planning to spend more time at college, to fill my days with something real instead of waiting for a message that may never come. I’ve made peace with replying kindly when he reaches out, but I won’t wait for it anymore.

I wish I could be endlessly patient, but three years is a long time to hold on. We’ve grown, yes, but not in the way I once hoped. I’ve never felt something this deep for anyone else, and maybe that’s why it hurts so much. Maybe not every love story is meant to end in togetherness. Maybe ours was meant to teach me something instead, and maybe the whole story was just in my head and nothing more.

“The strongest emotional pull isn’t always toward the person who treats us best, it’s toward the person who makes us feel something deep. That’s not a flaw, it’s human wiring.” And Ahmed made me feel this a lot of times, and that’s what makes it hard to let him go.

I loved him, though I never said it aloud. Maybe he felt it, maybe he didn’t. But timing matters, and ours has never been right. I still love him with all his flaws, with all his distance but now I love him quietly, from afar.

He needs to improve for himself first cuz he deserves to feel loved and maybe someday for those who care about him.

If this story doesn’t have a happy ending, it still has meaning. cuz this love, even unreturned, made me understand myself in a way I never had before.