When you were here before Couldn’t look you in the eye radiohead

You were telling me about the way we first met, back at the university. About how kind we were to each other. How ordinary it looked from the outside.

As if kindness was all it was.

But here is what I remember now, from this stage of my life.

You texted me first. You had questions about computers. I was in Qatar then. Full of energy. Restless. Hungry to help anyone who asked.

I used to help people older than me, people my age. But you were younger.

And somehow that mattered.

Not because of age. But because curiosity at that age is rare. It is precious.

I have always loved people who ask questions. People who listen carefully. People who care enough about their future to seek answers.

You were polite. Respectful. Thoughtful. I remember thinking, this girl is serious. The kind who falls in love with books, not with people.

And I respected you deeply for that. I did not fall for nerdy girls. But I admired them.

And I admired you.

You float like a feather In a beautiful world radiohead

There are fragments of that first day I still carry. Small flashes of light.

But what I know with certainty is this:

I had never looked at someone the way I looked at you.

I tried to lie to myself. Maybe she reminds me of someone. Maybe it is nothing.

But it was not nothing.

There was one thing I secretly loved and never admitted.

Your smile.

Your laughter had this strange power. It felt like it could heal something broken. Like it could guide a lost person across the street and a few blocks further into safety.

I did not understand it then. But I know this now.

I have never looked at someone the way I looked at you. Not before. Not after.

And I am honest enough with myself to admit that.

Maybe I did not believe in love at first sight. Maybe I still do not.

But something happened. And I was too lost inside my own head to recognize it.

If I could go back in time, I would not change anything. I would just stand there again. And watch you smile.

Because nothing was more beautiful than that moment. And I have never felt a quieter, deeper joy than the one I felt just looking at you.

I was too confused to name what I felt. But you were right.

My actions were mirroring my heart.

If I kept looking at you, If my eyes searched for you in every crowd, If your presence shifted something inside me,

Then what else could it have been?

It was not coincidence. It was not habit.

And no, I was not looking at other girls.

I walked with my head down. I avoided eye contact. That was who I was.

Except with you.

But I’m a creep I’m a weirdo What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here radiohead

Then fear entered the story.

Today you told me I was avoiding you. On a day that I was wearing a mask.

Something inside me was already sick. The sickness began with the head. A mental cage.

Fear took control. The shadows started whispering that I was not good enough to approach you. That you were too good to me. That I’m not worthy of love. That I’m not capable of loving. Not worthy enough to be seen by you. Not couragous enough to surface the love for you.

Maybe I tried. Maybe I almost reached out multiple times. Maybe I reached out couple of time.

But then I would retreat.

I did not understand my emotions. I could not name them. So I hid from them.

But today I am certain of one thing.

I loved you from the very beginning.