We’ve already done the hardest part, which was finding each other among millions of people. now let’s do the easiest thing, to never lose each other.

finding each other is the hardest part, although it might seem trivial. we are not especial only by our story that is written, but we are special in us. in a way that if we would have met in different worlds, different countries, different languages, even if bodies swapped, if you were a man and I were you the woman, we would have loved each other again, and again, and again, as if there is no possibility. I told you once that this was inevitable. it was inevitable for us to fall in love, not because we took it to the extreme nor because we got to know each other. no, it is not this way. it is simply that no matter how hard I hide from you, and no matter how you hid your feelings from me, we would have still been stuck by the glue.

but we met. on that day, I wasn’t present and I don’t remember any single detail except you standing between the girls, Maab and Tola. it is the happiest memory ever, and I’m happy that we met. yes it was easy as we didn’t plan for this, but it happened, and we are here now.

the second one was to tame me. it was hard to do so of course. to tame me you had to endure your hardest days. it was hard then to make this love of mine rise, wake up, and expose itself, because I was lost in my head. I was lost, and I wanted myself to save myself, not knowing that my salvation was in your hands. getting us to a place where I’m not lost was an essential step. getting us into a place where I’m awake to take the leap of saving this hidden love we kept inside for years.

this part itself is worth a movie portraying it. we had it all inside, and we lived without talking about it. you tried to wake it up, ot wake me up. there was a part of you that knew I loved you, even though I didn’t know it myself. it was as if you knew, so you were always the bumping heart who saved us. you screamed one last time that night. on the surface it seemed like losing faith, wondering why I’m not interested in making a family and never imagining myself as one. you felt as if you were calling on someone dead, as if I’m lost to the point that you wouldn’t be able to wake this love up.

but what you were doing, and what it looks like from now, is that it was a last scream. a call for me to feel it. a call for me to admit it to myself. a last scream for me to either decide what I should endure: honestly, the fear of what I will become with you, or the fear of what I’m becoming without you. and the second one won. we managed to get it out after three years of painful loss.

the last one is the easiest in my opinion. it doesn’t scare me at all. it is like winning a Zindi competition and only worrying about the submission file. do you remember that time when we failed reproducing the result of a competition, lol? we managed to get the score surprisingly back. now this stage feels similar. it is not scary, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pay attention to it and plan it. it is the longest stage. waiting for the ten days after submitting and getting the result always feels way longer. it is a winter. it is not dynamic and full of events and actions of discovery between the datapoints, modeling and optimization, numbers and figures. before discovering more or winning the prize we deserve, we wait to get approval, we wait for the private dashboard and evaluate our submissions. it is a winter compared to the beautiful summer of discovery.

but it is not hard. we just have to not lose faith and to learn how to keep the flame inside safe.