I’m sorry I could not talk to you properly today. I could not even vent the way I usually do, because I was deeply upset about what happened. my mind was not clear. anger was taking over me in a way that made everything else fade into the background. it was not just about the incident itself, it was the disappointment. disappointment in someone I once thought might actually be sane, someone I assumed still had a working brain inside that skull. but the truth hit me hard. we live in a world where some people are simply irresponsible. they move through life caring only about themselves. they do not see the consequences of what they do. they do not pause to consider who might get hurt. and what frustrates me the most is that they do not even acknowledge that what they did was wrong.

I kept asking myself how do I deal with people like that. people who have no awareness of their own faults. I tried to give them excuses in my head. maybe they were stressed. maybe they were having a bad day. maybe fear or pressure made them careless. maybe they live too much inside their own thoughts. I genuinely tried to humanize them. but today something changed. I realized and remembered that some people are not temporarily lost. they are consistently behind in how they move through life. they do not understand what it means to be considerate. they do not understand what it means to be accountable. they are selfish in ways that are not accidental. and I am not their savior. I do not have the time or the emotional capacity to rehabilitate someone who cannot even admit they made a mistake.

Writing this even now frustrates me, because it forces me to accept that such people exist and will continue to exist around us. and that is why I feel you more than ever. when you tell me about the irresponsible colleagues you deal with, I understand the exhaustion. thankfully they are not your flatmates, because living with that kind of energy would be draining. trust me North, we need to build a life where we minimize exposure to such people. some personalities are like a slow spreading illness. sometimes even cute and quiet, but still careless and irresponsible underneath. you cannot always fix them. sometimes the only healthy response is distance. please do not invest your precious energy in people who do not respect it.

And I say all of this because I am learning something about myself. I care about my peace. I am learning to respect myself enough to protect what lives inside me. I do not even want the thought I carry of you in my head to be disturbed by someone else’s foolishness. when I think of you, it fills me with warmth and a strange fullness. it makes me want to express happiness, to help, to give, to build. if someone is mindful and thoughtful, I would gladly share that light with them. but I refuse to let that internal space be interrupted by an idiot who ruins my day because I once believed they could improve.

This is a red line for me. and today it was crossed. I will not allow myself to endure repeated foolishness in the name of patience. I do not have time for that. more importantly, I do not want to carry hate in my heart. anger is heavy. resentment is heavier. I would rather choose indifference than hatred. I will make the decision to ignore their existence and move forward. I just need a little time to regulate my emotions. maybe a couple of days to reset the boundary clearly and make sure they understand they do not get access to me like before. and I know that once that is done, life will return to its natural flow.