I felt something intense and deep today. a feeling of satisfaction, of security, inside this relationship. I trust you enough to believe that you will not let go of me, that you will stay. and I want to prove to you that I will never let go either. because once I care, I do not leave.

Today’s feeling was this realization. that I do not want to let go of you at all. and alongside it, the quiet fear of you letting go of me. it did not turn into panic, because I knew immediately that you would not. if you had wanted to leave, you would have done so long ago. but you stayed. you stayed through three painful years, years that hurt you deeply.

I am seeing it more clearly now, day after day. how painful it was to wait for me. how much you had to endure, how much you hid from me so I would not run. when I look at that, I believe in you more. I believe in the depth of your care, in the fact that you never truly wanted to leave.

I feel like I made the right decision. now I do not want to let go. and you will not let go. this bond I imagine in my head makes me feel secure and satisfied. as if, for once, something worked. something really worked, fully.

It is a pleasure I want to keep forever. the pleasure of knowing we are both holding tightly together.