I did it, dude. I just live.

• Awab

In that unplanned five hour conversation I had with Awab, something shifted inside me. there was one moment that stayed. I remember the way he said it and the quiet certainty in his voice. he had managed to turn the negative self sabotaging motivations that once pushed him forward into something rooted in love. not because someone out there suddenly loved him, but because the old reasons stopped working. fear stopped working. emptiness stopped working.

I saw myself in that. I used to do things without feeling anything. mornings were heavy and my life felt empty in a way that is difficult to describe. in recent years I began losing faith and there was no real force carrying me forward. friends and family cared, but no one was waiting for me. I grew up independent to the point that I believed I had to discover the world alone. I don’t live for anyone else.

Then you walked into my life and everything quietly rearranged itself. my plans changed without announcement. I do not wake up heavy anymore. I wake up with you in my thoughts and with a vision of the kind of life I want to build. I get out of bed not only for myself, but for us. something that once felt difficult now feels purposeful.

I used to imagine myself anywhere in the world, but never beside someone. I could not picture that image. fear controlled that space in my mind and convinced me I would always stand alone. love felt unrealistic because it required something I had not yet grown into.

But that has changed. I want to be with you. I want to build something lasting. you came into my life at a moment when I was becoming hardened, almost forgetting what it feels like to be light. forgetting what is like to be a child, you took my hand and reminded me of how to feel alive without armor. when I am with you, I am present. when I am with you, I am not bored. when I am with you, I am happy.

What I want now is simple. I want to build a life that naturally includes you in every plan. not as an addition as alignment. I want to move in directions that increase the probability of us meeting at the same horizon. I want to build a life around you.